(Scene from The tiger and the snow film of Roberto Begnini)
-How did you become a poet? How do you start? (the children asked their father)
- I was small, younger than you are now…eight or nine. I was with my mother, I loved her so much…We were at Uncle Guistino’s and there was a wood. Do you know what happened?
-A little bird flew by, singing, flying, lower and lower…he landed right here on my shoulder. I swear!! He had chosen me from all the people. I was afraid he would fly away so I pretended to be a tree. I didn't move a muscle. I started to feel my heart beating, thumping actually!!
-It flew by! I wanted to tell my mother. Mamma, a little bird flying and singing landed on my shoulder and sat there for an hour!!! She said: “I thought something awful happened”, and carried on chatting.
-That was mean of Granny!! Didn't she like birds?
-No, Granny wasn't mean and she did like birds. It wasn't her, it was me. It was my fault for not telling the story properly, for not making her feel what I had felt. I was so upset, I told myself: “There must be people whose job is to use the right words...put things in a way…who when their hearts beat, can get other people’s heart to beat too!!!” That day I decided to become a poet.
- My heart beats!!
- Mine too, but Granny’s didn’t.
If the words aren't right, nothing is right…..
Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, has demonstrated that how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. People we care about often tell us about a victory, a triumph and less momentous good things that happen to them. How we respond can either build relationship or undermine it. There are four ways of responding, only one of which builds relationships (the first one):
1. Active Constructive (enthusiastic support)
2. Passive Constructive (quiet low-energy support)
3. Active Destructive (questioning the event)
4. Passive Destructive (ignoring the event, changing focus to self)
Here is you assignment for the week!
Listen carefully each time someone you care about tells you about something good that happened to them. Go out for your way to respond actively and constructively. Ask the person to relive the event with you, the more time he or she spends reliving the better!
This technique it is self-maintaining, but it does not come naturally; we need to practice it with diligence until it becomes a habit.
In other words: "You fake it until you become it!!"
pleas spend few minutes to watch the following video from Ted Talks, which is where I got this phrase from:
This is a very touching and encouraging speech by Amy Cuddy.