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OPEN!

8/26/2014

And then you asked me:

-What is there left for us?
-How can I know? They say that there is always something left..Open the boxes to see! Start from those big ones at the very end...
-What?? I can't hear you! Louder...speak louder! I cannot reach those anyway...Let alone the fact that they are all dusted and dirty and who knows what I will find inside them...
-Oh I see...you started again your childish things..We put the boxes there together, don't you remember? What could be so scary?
-Mmm...I do not know..for you everything is so easy!
-Open them! If you want to know what is left for us, start opening..
Start looking at the things we left behind and what we can save from today, from now on.. Without your help I cannot answer your question!
-Leave me alone. I don't want any answer anymore! I can sleep without knowing..
-Goodnight then.
-Goodnight...where the h*** is the whisky I bought yesterday?

Some times our soul-store is full of boxes like these, but we are so scared to go near them and open them and touch them and see them for what they are and not what we think they are, that we can spend for years our energy to pay for a guardian day and night who makes sure that nothing can trigger a possible opening....

But let me tell you something...If you survived storing them, you can definitely survive touching them...because now you know better...even if it does not feel quite like it...

You just need to bring in moments like these all the support that you could give to a good friend and give it to yourselves..

Have courage and open!

Goodnnight my friends...

Let's welcome autumn with less guardians...

with lots of love,
Marousa.

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The validity of the moment to moment sense of being...Paros 2014.

8/3/2014

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There are places where you have to do in order to get a sense of being and there are places where you can just be...

There is something about the effect these places have in your psyche, something that eases and sets free everything you keep inside; your inspiration, your creativity, your joy, your playfulness and your losses too.

And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN DOING, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING SO RIGHT IN BEING, that you try so hard to make it last, but as it turns out it is a constant chase.

If you are lucky enough, you have the chance to visit few places like these,
where life gets easier, love flows, your heart can flourish and your imagination has a great chance of reaching its full potential.

There are some places where being is just easy and enough. Even for thouse who need to achieve things for their sense of well-being, this true connection with you can feel such an achievement, because it is what we ve always been avoiding and hiding from.

Some places can make you see clearly the importance of the moment to moment connection, the moment to moment readiness for openess to whatever is there as Bozarth says is such a beautiful way:

The validity of the moment, Bozarth 1998

I know not what you will do or become

At this moment or beyond

I know not what I will do expect stay with you

At this moment

And be mother, father, sister, brother, friend and lover

At this moment

I exist for you and with you

At this moment

I give you all of me

At this moment

I am you

At this moment

Take me and use me

At this moment

To be whatever you can become

At this moment and beyond.

* Being home again feels really good...I thank everyone who contributes to my day to day joy and appreciation of life...

Hope you will enjoy this post my friends,

Wish you well,

Lots of blesssings,
Marousa.

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Lost trust and how to get it back.

6/16/2014

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There is not a more easily understood, more tangible and more frequent example which proves that our mind lives in the past and produces thought and decides from the past from the way we trust or not the unknown.

When it comes to trust something new or a stranger or a situation or even just life, we always try to look for evidence from our past to build up our arguments and then "logically" to come up with a decision.

The problem in doing that is that we disconnect from the present, from our present experience as a different one and from our present self as different too. We just try to "protect" ourselves from any harm. As if there is no learning in a harmful experience, and as if we can truly foretell the consequences of our decisions in any given moment.

So when we do get hurt, then we say that's it, I had enough, and we make the choice almost automatically to get locked up. We decide not to trust anyone in case they reach our wound inside and hurt us again and we never seem to think: Oh What a price to pay in order to stay in our comfort zone all the time or even take time to acknowledge that the wound is ours, the situation is only the trigger.

How many chances has a person who does not trust - out of an expired decision- to experience true connection and true sharing and love? Since all these are relying on us allowing ourselves to be vulnerable?

Trusting life is scary, but most of the fears that makes it scary is past experiences or imaginary worst cases scenarios. But not trusting life has a definite and accurately predictable outcome. You do not allow life run through you, you have locked doors and you are checking all the time though your little biased hole if you could possibly open that door or not.

And as I am writing this I am getting the picture of either a house with open windows, which is allowing the cool breeze to come in, though sometimes the wind may be tough or the rain may come in or a house which has all the windows shut down, it smells lifelessness, it is not getting any chance for fresh air and nothing is shifting inside.

And if this house is your mind, where your life decisions reside and are produced, from which place would you like them to come from?

So I guess I would like to urge you today to open your locked up doors and your windows and start creating a breeze of changeability and of presence in the moment. Do not let your past run the show in your present, because the price you pay does not worth it.

Let people in....let life in....let approval in and let rejection in...let love and let hurt...let the strength and the vulnerability...let the weakness and the resilience...for in life there is nothing positive without negative and no negative without positive...everything is a fine balance between the extremes.

Enjoy your week,

Speak to you soon,

Yours,
Marousa.

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I saw her.

5/11/2014

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I saw her today. She was not alone, she said her husband was just there with her. I gave her a big hug to greet her and it felt like she needed to take in every single bit of love that I could possibly convey to her through this momentary touch.

I saw her today. She was not alone, she said, but it doesn't even matter, since she felt as lonely as never before. You could tell by the way of her looking at me, her eyes were so sad and so desperately needing something...calling me for help...
Did I help?

Could I help?

It is too late for the answer now, but it is so strange...
I've been looking at her for so long, but today I SAW HER...And it is only now that everything makes sense...It is only since this momentary witnessing that I realized why she is so special...And once you have witnessed the truth, you cannot ignore it...Truth is always so powerful that there is no compensation. You have to respond wholeheartedly to prove that you deserved it...let's say because you are able to appreciate how privileged you have been for that split of a second.

This is for you my dear soul...

You will never know what I saw...But thank you for letting me in to see it...

Cause it is in such moments of undoubted truth that I feel alive...and it feels so right....

Like a dialogue between souls...no mind interpretation or judgments involved...

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Observations...or Projections? How clear is our eye-sight when we are looking "objectively" at another person?

4/18/2014

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Lovely lady, graceful lady, walking with your red dress and your red lipstick on, where are you coming from and where are you going? You seem to dance with the wind that comes softly on your face as it takes your dress away, making your presence less certain and stable than ever before...
Who are you going to meet and what are you hoping for? How many joys and disappointments can you experience in a day, if you are allowed to joys.
Tell me, when you look at your mirror do you see what I see? Do you see all the goodness and the grace radiating from inside, or you only see what it feels wrong outside?
Oh lovely lady, lonely lady...tell me when you look at your mirror do you see what I see? Do you see the wounds inside? All the vulnerability and the helplessness?
Tell me, can you see all that?
I need to know, because today - what a funny thing to happen!- I am also wearing my red dress and I do not know where myself stops and where you begin...

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Leaving Safe Space

3/31/2014

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http://www.safe-space.co.uk/ Safe Space is a counselling place that offers support to people affected by sexual abuse.

My decision to leave Safe Space as a volunteer counsellor after so much time that I was there was very hard.

I guess everyone as a volunteer wants to be able to offer as much as they can and have this internal need to help. Giving up Safe Space was against my whole moral philosophy, very much related with my self-worth and I was feeling obliged to give back all this love and knowledge that I received there. I felt very selfish by having to apply this well-known word to all counsellors which is called self-care.

Once I realized that I had no free time at all, I knew it was only Safe Space that I could give up. Then I ignored my tiredness and I kept pushing myself, because I could not deal with the idea of leaving. Then I started getting drained and I spoke to my supervisor in Safe Space about my concerns and is was very liberating…still fighting inside me with doubts and with harsh critique for this horrible person who can’t be perfect and has to abandon her clients.

Slowly slowly I realized that by not keeping well myself, I would end up harming possibly my clients too or pushing myself to the edge. Rational thinking and acceptance came in and I managed to take the decision of leaving.

Through this process I learned that someone inside me had set up very high expectations for me and that not reaching them is not good enough, that leaving equals abandoning, that self is not as important as other people and that my perception of coping is being as functional as other people, but with what criteria could I objectively judge that?

So I take everything as a learning... even my ending and I will keep all the time I spent in Safe Space as one of the most valuable experiences in my life.

Thank you all for being so generously loving!

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Things do change...or maybe not.

3/24/2014

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Today I want to talk about things that do not change.

I want to talk about this comforting sense that comes somewhere inside when you do realize that some things will never change...or at least it feels like that for that very moment where this certainty seems very true...

Walking through my neighborhood in my hometown, I got this exact sense of the comforting stability of things...

Some things do not change...The bakery in my neighborhood will keep producing the same bread for the years to come and the smell will always be the same...

The old lonely lady who is dragging her feet to reach the wee shop at the corner in order to buy two carrots, one onion and three potatoes will always be doing the same journey every single day, because this is her routine, her life...

The big garden of the next door neighbor will always be there...days may come when the flowers will not be flourished, but the seeds will always be planted, waiting for the time to come to flourish!

My doorstep, will always be there...Sometimes dirty because visitors will be in my home, other days covered with neglected autumn leaves on, other days very clean because my mum will be doing her cleaning at that day...But the doorstep will always be there and it will always embrace my first step into my home...

The hungry dog that comes after my father because it knows that it will get food and love and care, will always come after my father...because his car will always sound the same and the dog will always recognize it...as I do...

My favourite coffee shop just opposite the archaeological place, will always be there...and people will come and go, will say hello or no...but the coffee shop will always be there...and the scenery with the ancient aura from the Eleufsinian mysteries will always remind me the circle of life...as the sun shines and gives shape and reflection on everything for me to see...for the world to see... How things change by remaining the same...

No, some things do not change...

Like the memory I will carry for my grandmother...

Like the feeling that overtakes once I am home...once I walk at the same streets where I grew up, where I loved, where I was told off, where I made myself a fool, where I am appreciated or not...where I feel I can contain and face everything...And this is the most comforting thing..

Today let's take a moment to appreciate this humane need for stability and security and let's not fight the change either...because it is also true that things do change...

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Do not fight with the voices inside you, meet them...teach them how to dance together...! Something to aim for 2014!

12/28/2013

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Hello my friends,

I hope that you managed to go through the "Christmas preparations period" safe and sound and I hope you enjoyed yourselves with love and joy surrounding you.

Recently I attended a training for Chair Work* based on Robert Elliot's approach. By having the chance to do some practice on chair work, it became obvious to me that usually one of the voices inside us is the critical one, the one that has all the "should" for us and the other one is the needy one. The one that needs love, that needs to have fun, that needs attention, that needs strength.
Once these voices start a dialogue through chair work, it comes as no surprise that the critical voice is always trying to protect the self from a perceived threat.
So, if the perceived threat it to get fat, the voice may be like: "You should not eat this chocolate you are already fat enough".
If the perceived threat it to fail to an exam, the critical voice may sound like: "Your father and your tutors will be very disappointed if you fail".
If the perceived threat is to be criticized by others, the critical voice could sound like: "Oh there you go again, making a fool of yourself! Well done! You should have known better than that".

So it comes as no surprise that two things are happening when this voice goes on and on:
1. May the purpose is to be protective, but it does not sound supportive at all.
2. If the needy part is the vulnerable/weak part, by all these judgments of the critical part, it is reasonable, that it would be more vulnerable, therefore more needy or even ignorant.

Your inner critical voice takes away all your confidence which you end up seeking it from your external environment, no matter what, because this is your prioritized need. And this is a vicious circle.

Yes, it does sound like a civil war, this fight inside.

Two parts of the self with different energies, but with exactly the same need. To be heard.In other words, to be acknowledged for their good intentions so that they can find space for negotiations and cause less distress. By listening to them as well, you may find something very very peculiar, you may find that your critical voice reminds you so much a voice from your environment..Oh yes, the voice of your mother -for example- fully internalized inside you, giving you a hard time for trying to be you.
Once the external voices are internalized, it does not matter if the person is around you anymore or not, because their voice habituates inside you now. It has a space and is there at every single decision you want to make! You may try then to disowned the voice as it is not a genuine one, but until then you can always pay attention to it.

Therefore, I would hugely encourage you to find time for yourselves in situations like these where the inner fight is stressing you out, to invite both voices for a dance, let them be...let them create their dancing dialogue and then once you have fully heard their arguments, you can possibly be more clear as for "where to go next".

I hope you all find this dance helpful either it ends up to be a tango or salsa or even rock and roll!

I wish you to experience 2014 as a rewarding and full of learning year, with lots of love for you and support for your personal growth.

Yours,
Marousa.

*The two chair work, which I am talking here about very briefly is the work between two parts-voices of the self in conflict, using two actual chairs in the therapy room, asking the client to talk on behalf of each part's perspective.

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"Nothing is always something" or "random thoughts during a train journey..."

12/4/2013

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Sitting here at the comfort of the Intercity trains -which I had not experienced in my life before- with my very precious apple juice as it costed me 3 euros to buy it, I open my notebook and I am starting writing to me....to you..to the universe..to anyone who is willing to listen to my thoughts..

Are there words that have not been written yet? Is there anything that people or even me would like to read about and it has not been mentioned anywhere? And if yes, then what is it? If not, why do I mind? My pencil just wants to start writing about the "nothing". With no fear and no passion ( as we say in Greek), with no doubts and no insecurities. Just to write, to be able to write for the "nothing", for the beautiful fleeting moments, for the beautiful fleeting people who are passing by our lives and the soul rushes to say goodbye to them. Our soul rushes to hide behind the permanence of the ordinary moments which do not interrupt our routine, they do not move us and they do not change anything.. They just exist so that our routine and ourselves can exist within them.

Oh precious routine, how chaotic the world and people seem without your schedules and your timetables and your anxieties? Who would fill in our days more safely, more effectively and more hypnotically our days without you? And when you are getting disappeared what a relief and what a loss at the same time!!

Relief and catharsis for those who are able to live without you, but loss and a strange "un-comfortability" for those who cannot stand life without you. They feel like they miss a vivid part of their self. They miss themselves under stress, but at least they know they are productive. They miss themselves moaning about things, but at least they are doing something. They are getting tired, but at least they are working, so they have an excuse to live. An excuse firstly for themselves and then for the others who are watching them.

No, I am not asking a lot from people...just for them to realize that you - routine- you only exist for them and through them. That you are their friend and their supporter and not their enemy. That everyone deserves a daily life which can be comforting, can be a teacher and can be a friend.

Good night my good hearted people...
At the end never nothing is nothing...it is either something or turns out to become something...
I wish you to become able to embrace your routine and to make the most out of it!

Yours,
Marousa.

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Wish her well.

11/14/2013

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Last night I went to a brilliant event organized to celebrate the published book of a creative writing group from survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Once the authors/survivors started narrating their stories/poems/pain... I felt a strong knot at my guts. I felt all the trauma, all the courage of the choice of such an exposure and the will for a better future to come and I felt the full sense of vulnerability that being human involves.

I took the bus and I started feeling nausea. I thought it is just the bus. I tried to sleep I felt sick and I had fever. I thought I got November's virus!

But then I remembered something that had been mentioned while I was about to leave the event. One of my clients, who read her story and who really touched me, had been sick after the event and her friends were looking after her.

After that some people would still think that it is a virus, or the bus caused my nausea, but I would call that empathy. I would call that my effort of all these years to connect with people in such a deep level...I felt a relief after being sick and I hope that my client at the venue's bathroom and myself at 3 in the morning in my room, we made something very healing! We let go....of whatever that was...

My dearest soul this is for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM25ux0rlx0

I am a bird girl now
I've got my heart
Here in my hands now
I've been searching
For my wings some time
I'm gonna be born
Into soon the sky
Because I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls go to heaven
I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls can fly
Bird girls can fly

Thank you everyone who read this post and if you would like to do something more...just with her the best...Genuine wishes are too loud to be ignored.

With gratitude and humbleness,
Marousa.

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Here I would like to create a two-way communication, share my thoughts, inspiring things that I read and listen to (or read) your own feelings and experiences as well.

OPEN!

The validity of the moment to moment sense of being...Paros 2014.

Lost trust and how to get it back.

I saw her.

Observations...or Projections? How clear is our eye-sight when we are looking "objectively" at another person?

Leaving Safe Space

Things do change...or maybe not.

Do not fight with the voices inside you, meet them...teach them how to dance together...! Something to aim for 2014!

"Nothing is always something" or "random thoughts during a train journey..."

Wish her well.

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